On self-created conflict
Holding yourself to a standard is a dangerous thing. When you combine that with work as an independent contractor, things become even more treacherous. This is the world I function in. It's a self-made world, and it causes me nothing but stress.
Every day I think about packing it in. These people do not have the same concerns as I do. These people have different standards. I don't fit well with the group.
The first thing I do is withdraw. The next thing I do is try to convince myself that, as an independent contractor, my work is just that, my work. The other work that appears next to mine is not my work. It does not have my name on it, and therefore I shouldn't worry about it. I worry about it.
Did I always feel this way? No. There was a time when the pay was the most important thing. That's not to say I didn't believe what I wrote. I did. But I was more reactionary then. I had an opinion, and I wanted to share that with everyone. I wanted to share that opinion right away.
Over time I learned that's usually not the right thing to do. Nuance and context take a back seat when you rush. That's fine for social media, but with a living document? There are better paths to take. Live, learn, repair, and don't repeat.
Back to the topic at hand. Conflict. I have conflicts. I know they are nonsensical and self-created. These conflicts would be more pronounced if I worked for a big company. I'm aware of that. That should make my issues, again self-created, easier to stomach. It doesn't. I'll forever remain conflicted. I'm trying to come to terms with that. I can't come to terms with that.
Innocent men plead guilty to murder
The story is, sadly, nothing new, but this is well written. From Esquire in 1989, “Earnest Lee Miller and William Riley Jent spent eight years in a jail for a murder they didn't commit.”
The two men had the option, plead guilty to a crime that everyone knew they did not commit and walk, or risk it with a jury trial. They pleaded guilty and walked. This is the story of the before, during and after.
A podcast to listen to
This series from Craig Finn of The Hold Steady can get a little repetitive due to the subject matter, memory, but this episode with Bill Hader is worth a listen.
Good combat sports writing
Hamilton Nolan covers the ‘Tank’ Davis vs. Ryan Garcia fight for Defector.
A painting
Ivan the Terrible and his son by Ilya Repin
A movie worth seeing
I’m old, but not old enough to remember when this came out in 1973. The "Spook Who Sat by the Door" is a great movie, which, according to what I read, was controversial and pulled upon its release. However, it was later found in storage and re-released - in 2004 by actor/comedian Tim Reid.
It starts with the CIA being forced to integrate. From there, the director uses satire to show how corrupt the hiring practice is. After that, the film takes an abrupt turn and takes a much more revolutionary stance. The beauty of the film is how it portrays those looking to make changes in any way they can. Watch it.
Also, it was first a book, which I will have to check out.
Richard Ford fiction
Richard Ford is someone that needs to be read. This short story, Fireworks, is from 1984.
Another podcast to listen to
Iowa was one of the first states in the country to pass legislation against teaching that the United States is systemically racist — an idea some equate with “critical race theory.” But when one social studies teacher asked how he could teach U.S. history without running afoul of the new law, he didn’t get any clarity — or help — and he quit. via Slate History.
The supplement business is an unregulated mess and it’s creating addicts
The supplement tianeptine, sold under brands like Zaza and Tianaa Red, is causing excruciating withdrawals, leaving people broke and even suicidal- The Rise of ‘Gas Station Heroin’ via Vice.
Some music to check out
Bill Orcutt might not be in your “regular” musical wheelhouse, but his work is something you should give a chance.
When Lesley Hu wanted to vaccinate her young son, her conspiracy-obsessed ex-husband went to unimaginable lengths to stop her
The headline of this one wants you to think that the outcome is unbelievable, but the statistics show that an alarming number of children are murdered by their parents via guns for the sole purpose of inflicting the most pain possible on the surviving parent. These are underreported stories - via the Atavist.
My recent MMA writing
UFC fighter’s declaration makes promotion’s anti-gambling stance look soft
UFC Vegas cards are bad business for the UFC and for ESPN