This Time It's Personal

Or Just What The Hell Am I Thinking Here?

The other day I read that a podcaster said that when we wake up, we should write down everything that's on our mind. I thought about that. It sounded like a good idea. I mean, you get to cleanse your brain and get all the rot out of it so you can immediately begin refilling it with whatever will raise your blood pressure to the level where you get a pounding headache and you start to see dark spots at the edges of your vision. The problem with that suggestion, at least for me, is that if I tried to clear my head by writing things down, by the time I wrapped up, it would be time to go back to sleep. I have a lot of things going on in there, things I might not want even to read myself. So, better to leave that door locked, barricaded, barb-wired and guarded by a bunch of rabid Chihuahuas.

I have a morning ritual. I wake up, let the dogs out, feed the dogs, make my girlfriend espresso and a coffee for work. After that, I drink my espresso and wait for the dogs to settle in for their post-breakfast four-hour nap. I then read my email, check my Nuzzel feed and read the newsletters I subscribe to.

I fell behind on my newsletter reading over the past few days. One of the things I caught up on was Will Leitch's newsletter, where he wrote about the demise of Deadspin. If you're unfamiliar, Leitch is the founder of Deadspin. What he wrote about the site struck me.

When I started writing about MMA, my goal was to get a gig with MMA Junkie. Once a year or so, I would bother Dann Stupp with an email about giving me a shot. He didn't do so for a long while (And why would he? He didn't know me, I'm sure other people we're doing the same thing all the time who were better at the gig…). Eventually, maybe as a way to get me to stop emailing him, Dann gave me an assignment. It worked out for me.

I was never a staff writer, but I was working with the site that had many of the best writers and editors in the game. My role expanded a great deal over time. But then Dann left and things changed. Then many of the writers I admired and respected also left. Then I left. I've covered why I split before, so no need to relive that. But anyway, it was good to reach what I considered the top of the MMA writing mountain.

One job I never got that I wanted was working at Deadspin. I applied for spots with the site, pitched folks and seemed to get some interest in some projects, but I never broke in over there (Not long after I got some interest from Megan Greenwell on a series of stories/podcasts, she left. Same thing happened with Barry Petchesky and some MMA coverage).

So that dream won't be fulfilled because there is no way I would write for what is now a desiccated husk of what was once Deadspin.

Why am I telling you all this? I guess to let you know what I'm doing with this here newsletter.

The writers and editors at MMA Junkie helped me to become a better, more focused writer. I didn't want to let Dann down, while at the same time, I wanted to make sure my writing was on par with the staff writers over there. I didn't want to be the weak link. I hope I wasn't. I think I did some decent work, like say this Dustin Hazelett story, which might have been my most popular piece, I'm not sure, but it felt like it was.

So with this newsletter, I hope to combine the chops I developed at MMA Junkie with the punching up attitude of Deadspin to point out what's wrong with the sport of MMA in the hopes of helping the sport or at least starting conversations about change.

That probably won't make me popular with some promoters. I've already seem to have landed on the UFC's shit list. A few years ago that might have bothered me, today I look at that as a positive. To me, if the UFC doesn't like what you're doing, well, that means you're doing something right. That means you're not doing what they want you to do as a "journalist," which is carry water and blindly promote everything the UFC does without casting a critical eye at how the promotion does some truly despicable things.

I write what I do and I cover the things I cover because I like the sport and I want to see things get better for the fighters because, let's be honest, the UFC itself is doing okay.

Do you know something about UFC, USADA, an MMA manager or a fighter, that I should know? You can email me at trent.reinsmith@gmail.com or contact me via secure messaging on Telegram at trentreinsmith.

I know that sounds somewhat conceited. I'm aware that at best I'm an annoying ingrown hair on the ass of the sport. I'm not deluding myself. But I'm also not going to stop doing what I think is the right thing. You don't have to like it. The UFC doesn't have to like it. As long as I am being true to myself and can defend my stances, I'll feel good about what I'm doing here.

Now, if you do read what I write and like it, that's great. I appreciate it. If you don't like it, but still read it, that's fine too. If you like some of it and hate some of it, that's probably the best outcome. That means you're thinking about what I write about and forming your own opinions on the sport.

See, this is why I don't write down everything that's on my mind every morning, it would just take far too long.

Thanks for reading.